While leaning over a dumpster one night in the still of countless night alone and in the cold and dark and with my only companion a dog on my back while I work recycling on the waterfront of Sausalito I find a record album broken and I look at the name of my former music minister Kenneth Hopkins and how he had to move on eventually and I saw his name in the album the The Rose and the song he wrote about whose side are you on and I was reminded that I used to be someone and not just an outcast from my family and will return someday to family and friends and if not in this world then the next for my heart is fixed and my eyes are in the other world the unseen World by the eyes that cannot see, from the troubles and fears and the worries of this world and all the World's anxieties about time and money of which Jesus taught and take no thought for what one shall eat and drink and to take to thought of tomorrow for the things of tomorrow will take care of themselves without worrying. I remember being colistered for three years a few years earlier and I was frozen in time in a darkness one can feel of which the only light was the light of Gods word of which was a lamp unto my feet as I passed through the valley of the shadow of death in my mind and spirit and seeing nothing but the darkness one step at a time and walking on God's word and promises and reading and reading and watching and praying and praying and laying on the floor of my living room for some two years and sleeping there and unable to talk or communicate as I stared into the void and communicating in only in the most primative terms and losing all interest in sex with my wife and only wanting to fill my mind with words of faith and watching every Christian television program on two cable channels for a year, until the preacher's started repeating themselves and prior to that I studied etymology for a year in the floor surrounded by the best books ever written on the subject and seeking to understand the meanings of virtually every word in the dictionary and preparing to be the greatest orator, one had ever seen in my heart and losing all fear of words and fears in general, after coming out of this three year massive depression and monastic experience and having a dutyfull and faithful wife who would go to the libraries and order me books my mail until I became a proverbial word wizard or more properly a WordSmith, prior to that I lay in bed for a year before making it out to the kitchen and then too the living room floor and I remembered the words of the greatest books on spiritual suffering that I have ever read namely The Dark Night of the Soul by the Spanish Mystic Saint John of the Cross a contemporary of Saint Teresa of Avila the cloitered Nun and the Carmelite Order she founded and I remember going to a Charismatic Carmelite Monastery on the end of Blackwood Drive in Novoto California, where the sisters never left the house and sat behind screens to enjoy the believers fellowship with outsiders weekly and taking communion with them, and the other book that touched me and healed me with words, of a man suffering from Scruples of which can be devestating for people called into a religious way of life and ministers and Nuns and deeply devout believers can go through this malidy and those two books ministered to me greatly and the last book was the Book of Job the ultimate book on suffering ever written and of course the Psalms and the Book of Jeremiah the weeping prophet and as I leaned over the dumpster with the broken record in my hand, I realized again how peaceful it is at night all alone in the crisp night and chill, with my only friends my dog and skunks and racoons and nobody bothering a man proverbly, leaning over a dumpster and weather it be day or night, no one bothers a man leaning over a dumpster and recycling because no one wants to be seen with a poor man like that and so dumpster diving became another Monastic experience, for me in a busy tourist town with people all around and one becomes invisible while working and finding everything imaginable thrown away from jewelry to expensive fancy laugerie, that men are thrown away before there significant other or girlfriend maybe shows up and getting ride of the evidence or just rich playboys or girls throwing away things like this that I could never afford to buy for my wife, or just left on a boat that changed hands and a lot of porno magazines of which I tended to ignore and was even asked to save and sell them to an aquintance and I refused of course and not like a minister and student from the Southern Baptist Seminary that I knew working in a Seven Eleven selling porno and cigerretts and alcohol and I guess that is what is called the situation ethics Lol, but one day after battling for a long time with hate for women in general and specifically tempted to hate my ex-wife and blaming her for the divorce and all my lonelyness, temptation, isolation and suffering and loss of children, I then opened and looked at a Playboy magazine discarded and trust me I've seen stacks of them and left them there and have been tempted to take some home and but while looking at these beautiful creatures, I thought too myself, how can such beautiful looking people be so evil and then I was watching the 700 Club and the former Miss America or Miss someone, who is the co-host of the telesion program was in San Francisco and as excited as a little girl and blurted out that there was a nude beach on the Marin Headlands across from the Golden Gate Bridge and do I took it as a sign to go there and see for myself what women in general look like naked and for because I had never been to clothing optional beach before, being a married man with children and always went to general beaches, but now divorced and alone for years it was time for me to check this out and maybe get rid of my temptation to hate women in general in America especially for leaving there husbands in divorce courts, of which they are the main filers, last that I heard or checked out and taking over the work place and collage attendances
through the Womens liberation Movement and I went there and virtually the first women I saw walking down the beach naked and said to me that we are all just family and I also noticed besides her being fat and overweight behind her smiling and kind face and I also noticed her streach marks and eventually noticing the vericous vains and the cottage cheese thighs that women get and realized how fragile a women's beauty is without all the air brushing off of tattoos and blemishes and scars and such and how easy it is for a women to destroy there beautiful bodies, especially with fat that would take a miracle to restore and especially the Lesbians with a thier tattoos and body piercings in places one can only imagine and how they tended to stay away from the Gay homosexual men on the other end side of the beach and tend to stay on the hetrosexuel side of the quarter of half mile long beach called Black Sand Beach or upper Fishermen's Cove and the tattoos just looked horrible sometimes and how many piercings can one women get in thier secret parts and let me share with you gentlemen, one should know what thier getting into behind all those fancy girls clothes and especially when you see a beautiful women's face on social media or dating service, that women may have a perfectly beautiful face and will never post pictures of thier overweight bodies and it's a tragidy and shame the people look into face mirrors more then full body mirrors and once a women's body passes a certain point in being overweight, thier skin may never look the same again and not to forget aging wrinkles on bodies as well as faces and the men just seem to get pot bellies and balding and not having the same skin tone problems or vericous vains and start to look better then the women in general sometimes and I walked away feeling like a doctor who has seen so much nudity that they are not effected or tempted that much in the area of sex, when there is nothing left to the imagination and of course I was cured of my temptation in general to hate women and not trust them and especially the temptation to hate or blame my exwife for the divorce and taking responsibility for my part and realizing over time that she was forced to do what she did, by external forces and I am a lot more wiser now and have less temptation around women, naked or not and I remembered the Naked Prophet Isaiah whom the Lord told to preach barefoot and butt naked for three years as a sign and a wonder and King Saul stripping himself naked before the Lord in the Temple before the Lord and another minor prophet that wrote that he went naked and weeping over the sins of his land and Adam and Eve being naked and is perfect state and Saint Paul said that to the present hour that he was homeless and naked and Saint Francis who took off all his clothes in Church before his father and his Bishop or Priest and waked away naked after his father had disinherited him for his religious beliefs and faith and walked away saying to them both that naked he arrived into this world and didn't need his father's clothes or support anymore and of course Christ and the ultimate nude protest by allowing the World to strip him naked before his mother and crucified him, when he could have called ten thousand Angels to save him from the pain and humiliation and bringing everything full circle from the fall in the Garden of Eden and the shame of nudity possibly, from over eating as the Lord's first command was that thou shalt not eat of that fruit and whatever that sin be it all started with over eating as a symbol of greed, unless someone has an emotional or medical problem over consumption is the main sin of the world and greed, while people are starving and dying all over the world and the bottom line is that most women are not perfect under all thier clothes that actually make them look more sexy covered up and of course thier are exceptions and it all started with two naked people over eating or over consuming something in general and making ones belly ones god, is a good symbol on man's greed and over consumption and but since parbolically sin started with a tree and Christ mysteriously took our sins and greed's and selfishness back to the tree and paid the price and redeemed us and empowered us not to make the same mistake or lifestyle again and go out and enjoy the sunlight sometimes, unashamed and without sin for whatever one does in good faith and unconditional and selfless love is pure as the scripture says to the pure all things are pure, but to the unbelieving and defiled is nothing pure....to be continued and edited by Reverend Peter Romanowsky a work in progress the Life and Times on the Sausalito Waterfront Chapter Five
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